...I'm one of those crazy people...

I finally crossed a line today that I never thought I would. Typical for this sort of action - I feel terrible.

I ran in 30 degree plus weather, no shade, in black work-out clothes. I managed to do 3K with one walking break. Don't ask me how long I took to do it, cause I didn't time this absurdity.

I used to drive by people running in hot weather and wondered why the hell would they do such a stupid thing, or hear on the radio that folks collapsed during a physical activity in hot weather...well yes! What would you expect?

I haven't been running in over 2 weeks and I can *feel* the army run getting closer. I have had back problems these last couple of weeks and work has made it hard to fit time in and I have tried to avoid this weather for as long as possible. I NEEDED to run and for the first half of my run, I felt pretty good. It was the last half that dragged my ass along, and at one point I was driven off the path by cyclists. So not my best run but it was great opportunity to work on my mental game and to taste insanity.

Other updates - early July I was at the Dr. office and weighed myself in at 245.6 lbs - just over 31 ls lost in total this year. Very happy about that. I am going to go see my Dr. again about my back because it's just not healing up like any other muscle strain I have had and want to make sure I am not making it worse with certain kinds of exercises...

Excuse me while I go to the bathroom to shake a fist at my reflection in the mirror and mumble "...crazy woman!"

Jenn

the journey of the jeans...

It is a conspiracy I tell you. I was, at my heaviest, convinced I was no bigger than a size 22 jeans. All the proof I needed was a pair of jeans that I bought at a second hand place (that was a gift from the gods at only $8) *that fit me*. It was last spring 2011 and even though this pair of size 22 jeans were straight cut when the world was trying to cram their asses into "skinny jeans" (isn't that a great name for them? You can't wear them unless you are 'skinny'. Thanks lots.) I thought I looked good in them too. Here there are now.

I had some assistance, completely unrequested. 

 Ok she really didn't want to leave the photo shoot so I had to lock her out of the room.

 Alright here we go. Size 22 jeans - or so the tag says.

 Aha - but what about these black jeans that are also a size 22 according to the tag?

Let's get a closer look.

 The black are smaller. No question. So what gives blue jeans? You look more like a size 24 to me. I almost felt like I had been lied to.

 To check out the rest of my jeans to see where they 'fit', I laid down a Size '20' that I just bought at Value Village a week ago Sunday, May 6th. The Blue and Black Size 22 jeans were way to loose and baggy on my I decided I needed transition jeans that didn't cost 50 quid a go.

 So far so good. They did seem to be a size smaller than the black even upon closer scrutiny. And since I was at Value Village anyways, I decided to pick up a pair of jeans to work towards, a blue pair in a Size 18. How do they measure up?

 Confirmed - a good size difference so I consider that a worthy goal.

 And now for the last pair of jeans, in actuality just shorts, which I have saved for over 20 years. I have not been able to fit into them since my 2nd year of university but there is so much history in each threadbare patch I just couldn't see fit to donate them or put them in the bin .

 I have decided that I want to fit into them before Halloween 2012.

Since there is no label I would guess that they are a size 16, going

by the visual comparison I have here.

I am HERE now. Firmly and comfortably in a Size 20, and sliding my way down into my 18's. 

Since these pics, I have bagged up the two size 22's and other jeans of similar size and have donated them to Value Village. 

I don't need them anymore.

Jenn

PS I have also since weighed myself at a friend's place and I now at 253. Total loss of 23.6 lbs to date since the beginning of the year. Huzzah!

jog log

Did 3.4 k today in 30mins 30 seconds which brings me to just under the 9 minute/km mark.

Happy about that since lately I am having some diet and workout blues. I think the problem is that I haven't been able to weigh myself so am feeling a bit directionless. I tell myself not to rely on that number but I do like seeing it go down anyways. Except it's been about 3 weeks since I last weighed myself and celebrated being just under 260. I want to know if my efforts have kept me in the 250s and if so...where?!?

I guess I just also wish that Spring would show up. Tired of the cold and damp. I need some sun dammit!

Jenn

at Bust A Move!

What a day. I have never before seen or done anything like it.

I decided to do a bit of 'prepping' for the day by making cute little hair clips with a bunch of pink ribbon attached. I altered a white t-shirt with Bubblegum pink dylusion sprays (works awesome btw, but haven't tried to wash it yet) and in black sharpee marker I wrote on the back of the t-shirt the name of everyone who donated to my fundraising effort.

I knew that the day was going to be hard to endure but with all these fine folks 'behind me' why was I worried?

Then I dumped more "Flamingo Pink" Manic Panic Hair Gel into my hair than is recommended (it didn't really work but it was there) and did my hair into pig tails and off I went.

I met up with my awesome team "Losing It In Ottawa" and got settled in for a day of fitness and Richard Simmons!

I like this picture because I am trying to pose like a body builder - thank you Liz for the tip!

We get our spots (the organizers taped down 'corners' so we knew which spot was ours) and started with a one hour hi-lo impact cardio that got me doing some things I have never done before. I did pretty good I thought so went to take a pic of me in between classes.

So yes after my first hour long workout, still feeling pretty perky. Then came Richard Simmons!!! I didn't' know much about him personally, other than he seemed to have no shame in who he flirted with and loved to make people sweat. But his energy was palpable in the room and he seemed to excited to stay in one spot.

After the cheque presenting ceremony ($349,000.00 raised woot!) he started his hour long cardio dance work out and it was almost schitzofrenic the way he jumped from exercise to exercise. He called up women to the stage to dance with him by age group and started with the folks under 20. They would be up there with him for about 10 minutes then the next group was invited up. So when the 30-40 year olds were invited up I was ready!

I ran up to the stage to get in line to get on the stage and just as I was about to step up, a volunteer stuck her arm in front of me saying that the stage was full. WTF?!? Nononononono...and I am very ashamed of what I did next.

I pulled the longest, the poutiest, the most puppy-dog eyed expression and I hit Richard with it full bore. Poor man didn't stand a chance, and told me in his most fantastic voice "YOU - Get up HERE" and he pointed at me then beside him. I brushed past that volunteer and got a big hug and kiss from him and spent the next 10 minutes dancing on stage with him!!! I was OVER the moon happy! Can you tell from this after picture?

Suffice to say that I have NEVER had so much fun working out. More than worth the price of admission. Sadly I did not get a picture of me up there with him but I do have the memory and that is good enough for me.

After that, the day grooved along. I wasn't too fussed on the zumba - largely because it wasn't really instructional and because very hard and jarring on the knees. The Kickboxing was awesome - the instructor actually instructed and encouraged us along. The yoga was lovely too (for me to say that is something) and I even got a free 20 minute massage half way through the day.

I was very done by the end of the day. I was very happy to be picked up by my DH and DD and be driven home to a shower (the hair gel was really starting to itch) and go visit the inlaws and watch the Sens beat the Rangers (you listening boys? you did it once, you can do it again!)

Thank you so much to my fabulous team, my family, friends and supporters. I am so happy I am on this journey because I know you "have my back".

hugs

Jenn

on her first 'bad' run...

...kinda took me by surprise, but as usual, looking back it makes sense but during the run I was very confused.

I have had a very full, busy, emotional week. I am celebrating my daughters birthday today (she's 8) and I am doing Bust A Move tomorrow and birthday parties on Sunday...plus running my business and balancing my life.
So I decided to have a shorter run on Thursday morning before work - a mere 3 K (HA HA how far I have come to think 3 K can be described by the word 'mere') so I thought since I am not going LONGER I will go FASTER!!!

Off I went. I went faster than I have ever gone. I am sure that I left little dust clouds behind me as I dashed down the path. Ha.

My lungs hated me. There was no wind so I overheated in minutes. By the time I got to the halfway mark I had side stitches and my left knee throbbed at me and I was wheezing like an old set of bellows. I am sure my face was redder than a stop sign and good lord the sweat - it doesn't bear repeating where I was sweating the most.

So I decided to slow to a walk, take off my sweatshirt, to cool off and calm down my breathing for the last 1.5 k and already felt like a failure of a run because I can usually run the whole distance. What the hell was wrong?

I was struggling with my headphone cords, taking off my sweatshirt, my cel phone dropped (on the pavement!) and I ended up having to STOP COMPLETELY to rearrange my stupid clothes. I was FURIOUS with myself for lack of planning for the weather blah blah blah and was losing prescious time on my run which should have been my best time EVER!

So I started to run back after everything was done and I just couldn't keep up with my start out pace so I just jogged/shuffled back home and crossed the 'finish line' sad but still a bit confiused over what I had done wrong. I didn't enjoy my run like I usually do. Why?!??!

It was my husband who first tried to encourage me to go back to my old pace as it was still a challenge for me and not to go 'faster' unless my usual pace is not longer causing my heart rate to go up or to cause me to break out in a sweat. No fear of that happening any time soon. He also advised me that since I wasn't training for a race (not likely a race but a marathon...maybe...)

So lesson learned. I guess I wanted to push myself too much (a problem I didn't have before when trying to lose weight and exercise) and now I know I shouldn't. It works as well as not putting enough effort into it. 

hugs

Jenn

..well excuse me!

Talking about FJ in my previous post seems to have worked like an invitation for her to stick around some more.

I've managed quite nicely to avoid all Easter-related Chocolate, and we've sold almost 4 cases (48 boxes do you want some?) of girl guide cookies without one ever making it down my gullet but there are days when getting back out on the jogging path is a real struggle. Here is how it went yesterday...

Woke up late
Watched Emma go through her Easter Egg hunt - fun
Went out for breakfast.
Came home to get ready for the run - work out clothes were still in the wash
Shoot - had to put them through the wash again and then the dryer.
While I waited, I took a quick nap
Ooops woke up much later than I wanted to, I can still get my run in before going to the inlaws right? Nope. Cel phone is almost dead and I don't want to go without music. Oh well. I'll just go when I come back from the inlaws.
Oops - came back too late from the inlaws so I guess we are just going to have to put it off until tomorrow.

Today was even lamer if possible. I woke up with a bit of a crick in my back and feeling all round out of sorts. FJ walked around in my head with me all day reminding me of all the tasty things I could eat, and where they all were in the house. She also pointed out every time a joint creaked or spiked for no reason. I had everything to go out for a run but managed to stall and procrastinate until about 3pm when I finally thought to myself...if I am going to feel achey all over, I might as well have some sort of good reason for it.

Got my shit together, and ran a 4K - for the first time EVER, without stops or slowdowns and did it in 37mins and 33 secs.

5K you are so going down. And I'm taking FJ with you.

Jenn (aka NJ)

in running.

well what I do is more like jogging but "running" sounds so much more impressive doesn't it? More like a runners shuffle than the fleet footed gazelle.

But I am determined. Running was never something I understood - I have tried before but it just didn't do anything for me. Maybe because I used to smoke so much in university my lung capacity struggles to keep up with what my legs want to do.

then there is the mental games we play. The dissenting voices inside my head (for those of you returning, I have spoken of "Fat Jenn" but for anyone new reading this, "Fat Jenn" or FJ embodies all the bad habits and feeble rationalizations that got me into the unhealthy state I was before, and the "New Jenn" or NJ is the smarter, stronger me that makes good decisions and sticks with resolutions and cares about what happens to my body.)

So FJ and NJ like to meet most regularily while I run. FJ laughs and laughs and reminds NJ that she used to shake her head and wonder at all those fools sweating along the road on a hot summer day while driving in an ac vented car.  NJ ignores FJ ad whispers "Just until the next rock, the next telephone pole...you can breathe through it...come on now..."

FJ will never understand. I am leaving her slowly behind on my runs and becoming NJ. I am exploring a whole new world with running outdoors and I really do love it. I just never knew it.

Jenn

on the scale...

woot! Lost another 3.3 lbs! Down to 260.5lbs for a total loss of 16.3 lbs since I started!!!

win!

Did not run tonite because I hurt too badly from yesterdays workout - and I mean ACHE!!! Some would argue that it would have helped but quite frankly I am not in this for the pain and it would have hurt. I realize I need to maintain these hour-long workouts so that I don't hurt like this all the time - I was there once. I can be there again.

anyways...just thought I would throw that out there.

xoxo

Jenn

in her normal life...

The challenges of normal life have prevented me from blogging but I have been doggedly not letting it deter me from working out in some way or form 2-3 times a week. For a couple of weeks I was able to do 4 workouts per week and those are real accomplishments for me.

March Break threw a real wrench into the works but I managed with doing my first outdoor runs, with a friend here in town and one solo out at my mothers on an old dirt road that had a few nice rolling hills to add to the challenge. I realize I like outdoor running as there are lots of distractions when the going gets tough. Also having a friend encourage one along also helps loads!!!

I am very tempted to try a 5K run after BAM is done. Very tempted. I am already able to do 3k fairly easily...2 extra K on top of that should be easy to train up to over the next few months.

But today I am sore. I haven't done a really challenging full body workout with weights since before March Break and today I have muscle aches all over. Frig! And here I was thinking I only worked out at 90% hard yesterday morning because I knew full well this might happen and whoa-ouch.

I did weigh myself mid-march and I lost another 2.2 lbs - exactly 1 kilo. I lost another 4 inches overall when I was measured so things are going the way they should be. I am going to use a friend's scale again today to see if things have been maintained or further losses have happened but it really shouldn't matter. I am making it work into my life and am working to make these changes permanent.

This week is going to be busy with plans for my charity crop this Fri & Saturday for the Bust a Move Breast Cancer fundraising event. But I still plan on running tonite, working out tomorrow and Friday morning. It's just the way it is now. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Jenn

...but that's ok...

I have an odd theory, but after reading posts on LOI for the last 6 months or so, maybe its not so weird.

I think fat has emotional memories.

Hear me out before you call the funny farm. I own the fact that alot of my extra poundage on my substantial frame is due to eating because of stress, and stress afterwards derived from feeling fat and worthless drives me to eat more and so on and so forth. And the problems causing the over-eating aren't dealt with, but instead consumed and stored in the fat on different parts of my body. Consider also that this has been going on FOR YEARS.

Alot of pounds and alot of issues not dealt with. Part of the "New Jenn" is wondering when the "Old Jenn" is going to return and take control and returns to the above mentioned destructive behaviour. I feel like I am on constant guard against the "Old Jenn", but so far so good. I am closing in on being an ACTIVE member of a gym for 2 months and part of me sits in a near stupor of the wonder of it all. But I digress.

When I work out, especially during an hour long class at the Y, I am improving but I am mightily challenged with all the exercises. There have been fleeting moments during the most difficult exercises (usually about 2/3rd's of the way through when everything is trembling) that I encourage myself by saying "This is when the fat gets burned Jenn, so push through it. This is when the fat goes!!!" and then it I am overcome with the urge to sob.

What the hell? But it's happened in class and on the treadmill. It's quick but definitive and I have come to conclude it's a moment when another pound has released it's hold on me and all that's left is that little bitter residue of emotion that caused that pound to be....just evaporating from my tear ducts.

What if I have been clutching on to this weight all this time because there are all these emotional grenades hidden in every other kilo? Then it occurs to me that maybe if I start to forgive myself for all the damage I let happen that maybe the lbs will let go...more gently? I know I have a long journey. Another 89 lbs if my math is correct. There are reasons I let myself get to this state of unhealthy and more than ever I am convinced I have to deal with each problem or the weight will never let me go.

Correction - I have to deal with each problem or I WILL NEVER LET GO OF THE WEIGHT.

I have to let go.

To lose it. 

Jenn

...with her Mom

My Mother paid us a visit this past weekend. For the first time she looked at me in the eye and said "I am exhausted! I'm going to bed! You tired me out!"

My mother is XX years old and is in great shape. I hope I look and feel a good as her when I am XX years old. She has always been the one nudging me about going out for a walk, or doing some gardening or being healthier than I am. She loves me, but she knows me and nudging was all i would tolerate for a long time. The woman has patience I tell you.

So this is the first visit she has taken with us here in the city since last fall, long before my step off into my life-in-health. We started off yesterday morning with a large breakfast of eggs and bacon (the usual Sunday fare on my 'relax day') but instead of just sitting around digesting, I hustled my daughter and mother into snow pants and we went to Green's Creek for some sledding. If you didn't poke your head out of the house yesterday, you missed a rare sunny beautiful winter day after a snowstorm so sledding was perfect!

I should not have taken the road well traveled. It was bumpy and I got a new appreciation of a 'spinal compression'. But it wasn't the down so much as the 'up' that I was interested in. Greens Creek is a HUGE steep hill thta is a good 3-5 minute walk/hike for every 30 seconds of 'WHEEEEE' all the way down. After no less than 4 runs, Emma was done and so was I. My Mother did a little run down but wasn't too keen on taking a header and I don't really blame her. After all she is XX years old...

After that, Mother, my DD and DH went skating while I stayed home and did some necessary year end paperwork. I don't skate. I swim and sled, but I don't skate. My feet don't like it so just don't ask. So an hour later, they came home and my mother was soon napping. I just smiled. Then I napped. Hey it was Sunday...

Today was a whole new day of firsts.

I wanted to work out so told my mother in advance. Now she regularly works out at her local gym/pool so she was ready but had no shoes. Since my shoes were hanging on by - literally - a lace and prayer, we went shoe shopping and instead of pumps it was cross trainers (a first!) and we were stepping pretty high in our New Balance CT's for me and Wilson CT's for her. Off to the gym!

One hour class of a Cardio and Weight Combo later we were flat on our back stretching. I kept up! (A first) and I was able to do a special stretch I couldn't do before (another first!) . I would have gotten more out of the class only if I were more coordinated but that will come I am told. Mom did awesome! She had done thsi before after all.

New shoes made a HUGE difference and my feet and body are doing very well. Then we ran around doing errands for the rest of the day. Then we came home and after a snack went back to the Y (she couldn't believe I wanted to go out in the crap weather again) to take Emma for the family swim. In all honesty we didn't swim. Emma frolicked around in the heated shallow pool and we sat in the hot tub end of the heated pool and got our sore muscles blasted by the jets like two potatoes being stewed. Followed by a sauna. Feeling AWESOME all the way home. Had dinner and now I am thinking of going to bed myself. She went down an hour ago.

Oh and an update on my running - I went last Friday and did a combo of 30 minutes of treadmill followed by 30 mins of weights. It was a good work out but the best part - the absolute BEST part is that I paced myself so much better than when i ran mad. I was about to jog at a 1% incline and 3.8 speed (in miles) for 20 mins straight out of the 30. And I wasn't exhausted. I could have kept going. I was kinda freaking out - but on the inside.

Now I am entertaining thoughts of signing up for a 5k marathon.

Eep!

Jenn

...and is ticked off at herself...

Last week I didn't work out my minimum 3 workouts b/c on the Monday I was still recovering from a stomach bug and Friday was a PA day and so opted to stay home with my daughter because I have been working so much lately. I don't regret it, I know I have been doing really well with my life choices and I have been seeing successes in many parts of my life. I promised myself a kick ass work out week this week.

Monday - went to my class. was early even. No classes on Family day but the gym was open. Grrrr. I stood there staring at the closed workout room door and was torn as to what to do. i didn't have my music with me to do a run on the treadmill. Besides that was Tuesday's planned work out for when emma was at Brownies. i looked around at all the very complicated looking machines and decided to make it into an educational day and learn some of the machines. Over the next hour I puzzled my way through 8 various machines (with some help from complete strangers who could see I was a newb at this) and worked out mostly my upper body. No where near the workout I wanted but it was *something*.

Tuesday night - between work projects being late and meetings, I completely missed my workout window and barely got to Emma's Brownies in time to pick her up. GrrrRRRRRR....!

This morning - I thought I was prepared. I had my bag packed to shower there. I had  my work out gear on. I ate my scrambled eggs an hour in advance of my workout to have some energy and my after work out smoothie was ready to go in the car. I had Emma on the bus on time. I ....didn't...have ....my....running shoes. They were at the store. After saying things that don't bare repeating and seeing RED I drove to the store, picked up my shoes drove back to the gym and was way late for the class but instead pounded my angry energy out on the treadmill for 30 mins that for 17.5 mins I RAN! I went fast and longer than before, and way harder but I paid for it. After I felt sick and dizzy for awhile (I feel better now) I showered and went on with my day as planned.

This is a special notification to my life and whatever karma or negative energy that is trying to keep me from having a healthy life and working out regularly:

I WILL NOT stop. I WILL work out. I WILL move my body and be healthy. I WILL make healthy food choices and not fold at temptation.

SO THERE!

Jenn

...at the dr.'s office.

I have been looking forward to today's Dr.'s appointment for ... well since the last time I weighed in.

First weigh in at the dr's (otherwise known as "the start of it all") was Dec 21st 2011 right before Christmas.
I like his scale because it is super accurate and digital. I weighed in at 276lbs. Bleh. Then we had Christmas and I know I ate...ah...richly.

So today...after working out for over a month and making small healthy changes in my eating...

I lost 11 lbs. Weighed in at 265.0 lbs exactly.

So I lost it. I started to cry. Poor fellow was a bit startled but he had a box if tissue on his desk for just such an occasion so I blew my nose and beamed at him.

I can't wait to work out tomorrow.

Happy Love Day!

Jenn

...at boot camp.

I would like to thank everyone who had such wonderful words of support and love, in person, in emails, facebook and by donating to Bust a Move. I will get there. I have fun things planned to raise the $$ I need and a great crew of cheerleaders...but I swear this week has had it in for me with trying my limits on so many fronts...which brings us to today.

this morning's workout was the height of irony.

It was SUPPOSE to be cardio combo. It was SUPPOSE to be a medium dance like workout class and I was looking forward to comparing how much I have improved since the last time I did that class.

But the teacher was on vacation and i got Boot Camp class instead. Oh I hurt. Never have I done Boot Camp class before and it was brutal. But from the sounds of the rest of the class (one lady had to walk out twice?!?) I was in good company.

A first for me: I felt the sweat dripping off of me. Whoa.

Another first : When I preferred to plank (from the knees) to doing one more push up or my new exercise-to-hate "the mountain climb". Was able to do this for nearly 30 seconds.

Win : I did my 3 x 1 hour workouts this week and all of them pushed me into new areas. 

Anyways...it's one of those classes that when I feel more confident in myself I can see joining "On Purpose". I am so glad that today I snuggling at home with Emma as she recovers from the flu. She is doing better, but then she seemed to be doing better earlier in the week only to get sicker again, then recover and then get sicker again! Poor kid. I see a lot of movies and Nintendo DS in our immediate future and yummy, healthy easy to digest foods.

 I am looking forward to my yearly physical and check up on Tuesday (first time in a long time I can say that!) so I can get weighed on my Dr's very high tech digital scale. It will be the first weigh in on that scale since before Christmas. Trying not to get my hopes up to high, because I FEEL good about my progress.

Have a good weekend folks. Hope you get to enjoy the weather and Winterlude.

Jenn

...on video for Bust a Move...or not?

I did a video of this with my laptop and it ended up being like - 6 gigs of info or something like that. It would have taken 6 hours to upload so not going to happen. So no video but here is a written transcript of what I said in the video and I my sincere hope is that my voice whispers in your mind as you read it.

My struggle - and struggle it has been - for the last 15 years to be healthy and lose weight has been a very private one, that I haven't invited anyone to really share with me. So here is me, sharing with you. I feel the cause it worth it.

"If you are watching this video, thank you for your time. I have something important to share…that is important to me that is…and I hope you stay with me until the very end of the video. 

I have started 2012 with a challenge to myself. I can almost hear you think that perhaps that is the last thing I need right now, but I assure you that challenges inspire me to succeed. Perhaps it would be helpful if I mention that I define success as striving to meet or exceed any challenge or goal... so just by trying I am already succeeding…somewhat. 

I have joined a team to participate in the Bust a Move Event that is happening in Ottawa on April 21, 2012. We will be working out all day to raise funds and awareness for Breast Cancer and I need to raise $1000 just to participate. Some of my initial thoughts about this event were along the lines of “Really? Who doesn’t know about Breast Cancer yet?”, followed by “8 hours of straight fitness? Please tell me that they will have medics on site” and lastly was “Why  not? I have a thousand reasons to do this and only one really flabby reason why I couldn’t.”

     Here is another things I don’t share often but not a week goes by that I see someone drift into the store with a helpless look in their eyes. I ask them how they are doing and their story spills out like a tipped glass of water and its just pouring out of them how their mother, grandmother, aunt, sister or - my personal nightmare  - daughter has to go to see an oncologist and is in unbelievable pain from cancer, and why is it happening to her? How the hell do I know? Giving what comfort I can with words and a hug, they go. I have always felt so helpless. 

Now I feel I can do more. 

     I have signed up for a YMCA membership the second week of January and have worked out very regularily ever week so far. I have changed the way I eat, and look at food. I haven't had a tim hortons coffee for 2 weeks. I want this to happen and the Lord knows I need this for my own personal health. I have conversations with numerous people about the need for me to ‘lighten my load’ and they have been right from the beginning, but I was so adept at making excuses why I can’t work out, or how picking up fast food is my only recourse in this busy busy life of mine.

So here’s the deal – I am asking you for a pledge or a donation to help me get to Bust a Move on April 21^st. I need $1000 to get there but if we all chip in a little, it can be done. I thought it would be helpful if maybe I got a pledge per workout as an extra incentive to go and workout regularily or more often. Email me at jenn@thescrapbox.ca if you want to do it that way. Otherwise, the link to donate is on the written part of the blog. Go there and follow the instructions if you could please. If you aren't able to donate because it just isn't in the budget - I get it. Totally. A bit of personal support or cheerleading goes a long way with sort of endeavor.

And thank you for reading all the way to the end. I hope to change a little bit of the world and a whole lot of me."

yours in good health

Jenn Langlois

...in herself.

There comes a moment in a workout when you are passed feeling ok with how you are doing...and you think that the instructor keeps the hardest exercises for the later part of the class.

There comes a moment when the hair escapes from your ponytail and whips into your eyes and you can't take your hands off the weights to brush it off.

There comes a moment when you are at your weakest and the count is for "4 more..."

That moment is what I love because it's when I know my body is getting stronger and I'm losing that which I don't need, drop by sweaty drop.

Jenn

...and feels good.

This week was a challenge because I traveled on business for 4 days. Airports, hotels and convention centres don't offer much in the way of healthy food choices but I managed as best I could, having fruit for snacks. Coming home I realized I was coming down with a head cold which was going to railroad my plans to work out Friday but I had a good nights sleep, popped two Tylenol cold pills and decided to go on the treadmill instead of sneezing and snorting through an hour long class. I wasn't sure I would be able to keep up in the class anyways, since I was still feeling jet lagged from the flights.

The last time I was on the treadmill, I did 30 mins total, 5 of which I jogged. It was a push to do it, but I felt awesome then. That was nothing compared to how I felt today. I brought music with me this time and when I was 5 mins into the jogging portion and I was starting to feel tired, Mr. roboto came through on my headphones and the beat matched exactly what I was doing and I went ahead and did another 5 mins of jogging!

10 mins of jogging - double what I did a week & a half ago!!!! I did a good cool down and just as I was about to step off, 2 friends came by and told me how good I looked grooving to my music while I was running! Loved that feeling!

Top speed 6.2 kms/hour for 10 mins.
2.2 kms distance covered

I was going to go longer than 30 mins but there was some preprogrammed time that slowed the machine down right at 30 mins and I couldnt' figure out how to change it. Silly thing.

Day 10 without Coffee from Tim Hortons or Starbucks.

Feeling good.

...kind of.

So this week I...

-worked out 4 times.
-stopped drinking tim hortons coffee (double double, ah I knew you well...) I'm up to 3 whole days without it!
-signed up and logged into Myfitnesspal.com 5 days in a row and according to them stayed under my caloric goal.
-oh and I insisted on weighing myself on a scale at a friends place because getting to my GP's high tech scale is nigh unto impossible. And I weigh the same as I did back on Dec 21st on my GP's scale (had an appointment then).

Not disappointed  - mind you I would have loved to have seen a nudge downward but two reasons could easily account for this.

1. 2 different scales. I fully intend to use my friend's scale as the future constant (if she doesn't mind =P) so it could have been a discrepancy between the two.

2. If there is not a discrepancy then I believe that IF I have lost any weight then it was any weight I had gained over the holidays. Now that I have access to MFP and how many calories that foods have, and knowing full well the food I ate over the holidays (including one lovely week at my mothers and all the holiday baking that was there) I know I gained weight before I stepped into the gym this year.

Anyways I'm putting it out of my mind. I feel better than I did. My clothes are looser than they were. I can do things easier than I could before and my confidence is at an all time high. I will be away for 4 days and so will make next week's workout goals being a hopeful 'two'.

My beat goes on...la dee dah dee dah

...in fustration...

....so today is another typical day. Running my business is sometimes like running around collecting raindrops with a pasta strainer. Lots of effort for seemingly little return. My own fault usually, certainly not my customers. I need to be better organized, get more sleep to have more energy for them.

By the end of my work day, I am 30 mins late for being home - which I hate. I don't like being late for dinner at home but I wasn't really hungry - I was snacking through the class on a fabo stew that my hubby made so that I just ended up putting my plate in the oven for when I got back. Got back from where you ask?

I WENT TO THE YMCA AT NIGHT!

That's right - I said it. I worked out at night, while E was at Brownies. I did a preliminary try at the treadmill and I have learned the following:

1. The staff at the Y, while passibly friendly, don't always know how to use their high end equipment. I wanted to know how to use the 'smart key' that the treadmill was asking for, but the 'floor supervisor' seemed a bit vague on what it was (a usb key to track my progress...why wouldn't I want that?) and how to get it (just check out the treadmill's website online and maybe I can get one there?) Now I have a business 'sense' as it were and immediately I was wondering why the YMCA wasn't pimping these smart keys out to their members as a way to pay off these beautiful high tech treadmills or to pay for the replacements that are going to eventually be needed - I would have bought one practically on the spot. A little digital thumb drive to track my progress so I don't have to resort to pen and paper? Where do I sign up? Otherwise the treadmill was easy to manipulate if not a bit boring. Apparently you need one of these smart keys to enjoy a program that offers different grades and speeds. Hmm imagine that.

2. I get why people are plugged into some sort of mP3 player when they walk or run. Staring off into space while on the treadmill is enough to bore one to tears. I MUST make a point of getting some play lists on my little MP3 player before I go back again or I may just develop a twitch above my left eye.

3. I CAN JOG! Who knew? I kept punching the little button that made the treadmill go faster and faster and I thought I would try to break into a jog ....just to see how it would go. Well damn if a minute didn't just sail by...then two. THEN 3! and then 4 minutes. I was starting to get that famous side stitch so I decided to stick it out to 5 whole minutes of what would be viewed as a slow jog but its a helluva lot faster than anything I've done in the last year or more.

4. Working out does wonders to work out frustrations. I was too tired to feel frustrated and just wanted to come home, log my day into MFP and come here to blog and just feel good about my day. Apparently I am under my calories for the day and on pace for my week.

So I've added a 30 mins treadmill to my weekly workout regime of 3 classes. I'm going away next weekend for 4 days so I won't be able to do it next week, but will the following. I'll just try to keep my calories down and hydration levels high. Gods I hope that I can keep the momentum going. Please....

...a bit

Today I worked out and did a Body Rev class at the Y. Learned some stuff about myself. Ahem.

1. I have pretty good upper body strength. I was able to do most of the upper body exercises except for dips which pretty rank as high as planks in my opinion. I did other tricep exercises instead and still felt the burn. I should up my weights for the bar next Monday to 15lbs to see how it goes.

2. I do not like chatty women who gossip through the whole work out as did the two ladies behind me. I tried to toss them dirty looks through the mirror but I am sure it just came through as either a normal facial expression while lifting weights or a particularily bad case of gas. Regardless, in the unlikely event that these women will eventually read this blog - please don't catch up on your day to day in a workout class. Go grab a cup of coffee and do it in a cafe.

3. I can do hard things. Some of the exercises were HARD but I did my best at them. The instructor did mention that I was doing well and to keep coming - which is the most important part. Keep coming back. I intend to.

Having said that, I think what I will try is to sneak in a walk on the treadmill tomorrow night while E is at Brownies. It's close to where her meetings are and a 30 min walk (or more?) is easily doable in the times between drop off and pick up.

I want to also get weighed sometime this week. See if there is any progress there. I say that because I see progress other ways and am, overall, pleased with how things are going.

Still need - new shoes. Will see how it goes this week but I don't think I'll have time to shop.

that is all.

j.

...almost.

Well today was a buzz kill. Last night was LOOVING the YMCA. Had a great swim last night with my daughter, even spent about 90 seconds in the sauna and came home feeling like a million bucks.

Then I went to the 'Core Strength and Stretch" Class this morning. What a waste of my time.

Started late, was way to advanced for me, my boobs and bulges got in the way and no way could my wrists maintain my weight for the MULTIPLE down dog/crocodile/plank stretches we were asked to do. So not a beginner class and I am such a beginner. I cannot begin to articulate how angry and frustrated I was and for the first time I was sorely tempted to walk out on a class unfunished. At one point I was on the verge of breaking into tears. But I stayed to the end, not feeling like I was able to do even half of what was being asked of me and just feeling so defeated.

Then I went home and vented on FB-LIO and the ladies were awesomely supportive which helped. It's good to know that I wasn't the only who went through similar frustrations.

Here is the win as my friend Heather tells me - I went, I stayed, I tried.

Another win for me - I really wanted to eat the chunk of Praline's Fudge that is leftover from Christmas that I got from Bobcaygeon. There is no place for this in my diet nor even in my household if I'm honest. I stared at it and held it, and poked it with my finger seeing the soft gooeyness in the layers, but then I saw this on FB posted in Losing it in Ottawa and it helped me lots!

"30 mins from now you won't remember how good that binge felt, but 3 hours from now you will still be wishing you hadn't."

So I grabbed a nearly full water bottle and I am halfway through it and don't feel that snacky anymore. So apparently this is a bad habit I am breaking and not a hunger I am ignoring.

I also booked my free orientation with one of the personal trainers next Friday Jan 27th (right before I leave for CHA but it's my next Friday off) and I have requested the use of their body fat scale which they are now sending out to be fixed so it may be a month before I get tested. Not sure what to use as a baseline but I found my old Curves data sheets and my Body Fat % at that time was over 40%. Yikes! Almost half of my body is fat? That can't be good!

Anyway - 4 small wins today so far as I can see it.

Next work out date is the 9am class on Thurs which is entitled "Abs Butt and Thighs" (no mystery there but will be my first time trying it out) and then on Friday at 9am for the Cardio Combo which I have taken before and like very much.

Still trying to get in to be weighed at the dr's. Not an easy task. He says to come in anytime to get weighed but he's always with a patient. Oh well.

I will try to upload pictures of myself that I took today at the Y in their mirror. Going to bed!

...finally.

Like I need another blog. Something else to update in my life. Another commitment, another challenge.

But I do need this.

Some starting stats...

Today is Monday Jan 16th and I am currently a member of the Orleans YMCA.

I have worked out 3 times last week, which was a goal, and I was able to complete it. My body went through different phases of body aches and muscle strain but I have done this before so wasn't surprised.

December 21st, 2011 Last official weigh in at my Dr.'s had me at 276 lbs. I remember weighing about this when I was pregnant with Emma which was 8 years ago. I am clutching this extra weight and don't want to let it go and I don't understand why. Just let it go Jenn. Just lose it.

I hope to figure it out along the way. If I do I will let you know.

I started some changes in my diet a few months back and I think it's helped. I am drinking fruit and yogurt smoothies to replace a meal - usually breakfast - and its helped to narrow down my bread consumption.

Well now its off to start my day. I'm helping a friend move so my workout will be packing and lifting, and I plan on taking E to the open swim at the Y tonite.

J